The National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence fights the stigma and the disease of alcoholism and other drug addictions.

Ask Dr. Bob

QUESTION
Would you consider it an alcoholism-related problem when most times when I get very drunk, I end up acting like a completely different person towards my husband? It gets to the point which I am literally psycho in my behavior -- yelling and screaming, blaming him for things I would never usually mention or care about. I accuse him of being "the problem," and not me. When I wake-up the next day, I feel depressed, and only remember bits of the night before and I realize I was a complete jerk; I would never act like this when sober. What is it that makes me like this when I'm drunk? What should I do? It would be very hard for me to quit drinking because both my husband and I like to get buzzed and have a good time. But when drinking, I hit a "point of no return" where I change into this evil person, that I don't want to be. Is moderation possible for me? If so how can I do it? What does my husband need to do to support in me in doing what is best for me, and our marriage?


ANSWER Yours is a tough question but which tends to illustrate several important points. First of all, you clearly have an "alcoholism problem," and very likely the disease of alcoholism. I say this for a number of reasons: firstly, the behavior you are concerned about is always associated with drinking alcohol. Secondly, the behavior is something you do not want to do and seem to detest, yet it continues. I suspect that you have made efforts to control this by attempting to "cut down," discussing this with your husband and perhaps others, maybe even trying to act differently, which are all reasonable steps but which do not work here. And thirdly, this occurs in the presence of other alcoholism symptoms: memory blackouts (the loss of memory for some events while drinking), feelings of remorse after the drinking behavior but being unable to change it, the abscence of any good reason to feel this way, the recurrent desire to "get buzzed" (or drunk) and the admission that stopping would not be easy (in other words you like it very much), and you hit a point of no return where you cannot reverse this process.

Why does this happen? It is interesting to speculate. It is clearly an alcoholic behavior and this behavior is seldom easy to sort out. It is possible, for example, that you harbor some true but hidden resentment toward your husband which is released only with alcohol; if it seems likely to you, this is something you would have to work on with a therapist while not drinking, however it seems much more likely to me, that this alcoholic behavior may have no hidden meaning at all but be some sort of irrational "crazy" outburst triggered by alcohol on your brain. And like many of these episodes, some of which may be, frankly, paranoid, it is likely a "drug induced" (alcohol) incident which probably will disappear when you stop drinking. I generally believe that a psychiatric exam after sobriety has begun, is a good idea here.

What to do? I doubt that moderation is possible for you as I believe, that although you do not mention it, that you must have already tried this. I'd suggest an evaluation by an alcoholism expert, that will probably include a psychiatric assessment, then a treatment approach to help you stop drinking, understand what has happened, and help you to begin to lead a happy, sober life!

Good luck, and thank you for describing your condition in such a way that we can use it to try to help others as well!


Dr Bob



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Dr. Bob does not provide specific medical advice or a medical diagnosis for any particular condition described, nor verify the authenticity of any information described in the questions presented. Patients should always consult their physician to discuss any specific symptoms, conditions, or modes of therapy for any particular mental or physical difficulties, diseases or conditions.

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