There was a point when I went from being "dry" to being in recovery - a pivotal moment in my life.
Until that day I had been in a 12-Step program, taking part, happy to be sober. But there was a nagging thought I frequently ignored. I felt that I was "unlucky" and that it was unfair others still got to party and I couldn't. In other words - I was a relapse waiting to happen.
Then, one day - I had a moment of clarity - what some would call a spiritual awakening. It happened when I got real and said, "I CAN drink." I CAN have my old life back." But my higher power gave me this additional insight. "I cannot choose drinking and have my new life. It's one or the other."
After that is was a simple decision - my old life ... or my new, better life - and that is the choice I've made every day.
It was helpful to learn Ohlm's Theory, (Dr David Ohlms) "An addict who is going to relapse is an addict who loses contact with the memory of the pain of their addiction." I remember the pain!
Gary, sober since June 1993